Indifferent
by milkydubu
Summary: Shikamaru thought that women were troublesome, and didn't bother with them. Will this view change when he's in charge of a certain foulmouthed redhead? Or will she stand her ground and take him - and his sanity - down?
1. Opponent

**A/N: This is my first fanfic. It takes place three years after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc. I hope you enjoy & leave a review so I can improve this along the way.**

* * *

Tayuya couldn't help noticing that Konoha's interrogation room was much nicer than theirs. Back in Oto, they kept their prisoners in small, cramped spaces and questioned them until they had a panic attack. But here there were plants. A painting of the first hokage. Besides the fact that there were a few blood splatters on the ground, it was sort of comforting. The place was bigger than her room. _'That damned snake should seriously consider giving us an upgrade.'_ Her thoughts were interrupted as the door opened, letting out some squeaks and croaks before it smoothly glided along. A man with two scars on his faces entered the room. She immediately recognized him as Ibiki Morino, Konoha's top interrogator.

She forced herself to smile at him. This was going to be one hell of a day.

"The only reason you're being kept alive is your affiliation with Otogakure." He said as he sat down across from her. Ibiki's voice was stale, serious, and steady. Tayuya hated that voice.

"The only reason your balls aren't burned off by now is 'cause my hands are tied." His stare was indifferent. Boring. She groaned, and pounded her forehead against the wooden table.

"I'm not the type to negotiate. _We need information._" Ibiki slammed his fist against the table, everything rattling around as the sound of the impact echoed throughout the room.

"But I'm just a young girl!" She said innocently, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. She batted her eyelashes. "Oh, what do I know?" She grinned. "I know that I'm hungry, fuckface. Now get your obedient bitches to bring me some food. I hear the ramen here is something to get excited about." She immediately realized her mistake.

He swung his fist at her, barely missing her face as she pushed herself back with her legs. Turning herself 180 degrees, she flung the table at him with her foot. He glared at her.

"Ibiki. You can leave, I'm taking over." '_What the…?_' Tayuya thought she recognized that know it all voice as the pineapple shaped hair came into view. His hands in his pockets, Shikamaru made his way over to her as Ibiki left. She'd changed in a way. Her hair was longer, parted at the middle, her bangs outgrown to layers below her jaw. She wore a leather jacket over a white button down shirt, dark red pleated shorts, sheer black tights and black leather ankle boots. More civilian than ninja-like. But her eyes were the same chestnut brown, holding the same determination as the ones he'd seen years ago.

"What are _you_ staring at, fucking pineapple head." She spat.

"Nice to see you too." He sighed as he sat down in front of her, raising an eyebrow as he put his hands behind his head. "You haven't changed, really."

"Likewise. Still sporting that gay fruit hairdo, you dickhead."

"Careful with your words, you _might_ hurt my feelings."

"You're the one who should be careful, I'm strongly fighting the urge to tie you to a tree and play piñata with your balls." She winked, and added, "If you have any." He sighed. _'Women.'_ He thought, and shook his head.

"You're a bitch. So how'd you end up here?"

"Well, since you said so very nicely," she rolled her eyes and continued, "I was minding my own fucking business when magical talking turds kidnapped me and brought me to this foreign kingdom. I'm not telling you shit, you son of a-"

"Before you finish that sentence I'd like to say that if you're not going to cooperate, we'll either kill you now or send you to a prison cell where you can die of disease or starvation. We're giving you three options, pick one and stick to it."

"Maybe you do have some balls, Nara. I'll give you that. You're not as squeamish as the fag interrogator before Ibiki. So ask me another question." She smirked.

"Thanks, I guess. Where is Orochimaru staying now?"

"Pass. Next one."

"You can't just _pass_. I assume you're choosing to cooperate, so cooperate."

"Look, you bastard. You can't kill me. I'm the only Sound you weasels could get your hands on. I'm going to milk this out as much as I can. Now I'm _hungry_. I'm _thirsty_. I'm _pissed off_. And I'm _not_ going down without a fight."

"This is going to take a long time, huh?"

"You bet your bitchy balls it will."

* * *

"Tsunade-sama." An ANBU member entered her office, along with a couple of papers. "We return with news. The Sound ninja our shinobi encountered during Uchiha Sasuke's capture… they're alive. We managed to take one, she's in the interrogation room now." The hokage was intrigued.

"I'll see her briefly. Who's with her now?"

"Nara Shikamaru. He left a few minutes ago, needing to get something before he continued. He left muttering something like _'Bet your bitchy balls, she says, who does she think she is. So troublesome.'_" Tsunade let out a chuckle at the first part.

"I like her. Oto seems to have interesting people."

"Hokage-sama. She's killed many."

"But she reminds you of someone, haven't you noticed?" She asked, cocking her head to the side. She couldn't help but smile. She was going to have some fun.

* * *

_3 minutes later._

"OH MY SWEET JEEBUS. WHAT'S TAKING HIM SO. FUCKING. LONG."

Shikamaru lazily walked towards Ichiraku, looking about his surroundings as usual. Konoha was peaceful, children's laughter and middle aged women talking filled the happy streets. Colorful buildings with flowers on the windowsills. He wondered what it was like where Tayuya lived. It was pretty cute how- What the? He'd been thinking about that face she had when he first walked in. He told himself it was impossible for him to be thinking of her like that, she almost killed him. She threatened to play painful games with his privates!

"Ah, Shikamaru. How can I serve you today?" Teuchi asked, wiping his hands on a towel nearby.

"I need the best. Something that could calm even the bitchiest person down." Shikamaru told him, sitting down on the stool closest to him.

"Are you having…" Teuchi leaned towards him. "Girl problems?" He said in a low whisper.

"Unfortunately. Women are so troublesome. I have someone from the past I'm interrogating. She's rude. And foulmouthed. Evil. Deceiving. Stubborn. Annoying. Not to mention she's from the-"

"Not to interrupt, Shikamaru, but it sounds like you're infatuated with her." Teuchi's daughter, Ayame, said, giggling.

"W-What? I'm not! Tch, that would be a major drag. This girl is a complete monster!"

"But that's what you like isn't it? That this girl is a whole different thing: fierce and headstrong." Shikamaru was speechless. He didn't understand this stuff at all. He grabbed the bowl of ramen, a pair of chopsticks, and was on his way back to the redhead.

He found her on her back, sprawled out across the floor, staring blankly at the door. Her head turned towards him, and she let out a growl. Her hands were untied, handcuffs laying beside her.

"How did you…?" She sprung up and snatched the ramen from his hands, sitting on top of the table.

"You bastard. Took you long enough. I bet you're trying to torture me by depriving me of my basic needs." She shoved noodles in her mouth, and began to slurp the soup. Shikamaru caught a glimpse of a smile, content with her meal. For a second, one tiny second, he felt attracted to her. Knowing that there was a soul under all the cussing and glares.

"I have to admit, Pineapples, the people in Oto weren't fucking with me when they said the ramen here is fucking awesome. And for this, Nara, I'll give you some information. That you'll never really find Otogakure. It moves from country to country, never the same place twice, either. It doesn't take long to move, too. If we know someone gets the slightest clue of our whereabouts, we move far, far away. It's how we hid for so long." She handed the empty bowl to him. "Brat. Let's continue." Shikamaru began to open his mouth when the door opened from behind them.

"Tayuya. Shikamaru." Tsunade said, closing the door behind her. She glanced over at the redhead, who was prettier than she'd expected from the ANBU's information.

"Hokage-sama." The two teenagers said simultaneously, much to the woman's and Shikamaru's surprise. 'So they keep 'em educated.' He thought.

"You know who I am? Good." Tsunade said, folding her arms across her chest. Her _big_ chest. The hokage raised an eyebrow, eyeing Tayuya head to toe.

"Lord Orochimaru talked about you and Jiraiya-san often, statements that wouldn't be very appropriate to tell right now." Tayuya sneered. 'You bitch.' She wanted to say.

"Thanks. Glad to know I'm popular. Anyways, I've prepared for you to stay here, Tayuya. But for the time being you'll be staying with the Nara family, with Shikamaru here." She said in a cruel, sickly sweet way way. Tayuya almost choked on her own saliva, her doe eyes wide open, as if they could fall out of their sockets any second. She slowly looked up at Shikamaru, who's face depicted the same amount of shock. Tsunade fought herself to keep from laughing, as the two were obviously terrified. A smirk crept upon her face as she patted Shikamaru's shoulder. "You guys should get going as soon as possible, I'll meet up with you guys tonight to go over some rules. Have fun~" She said, waving her hand as she walked away.

"Oh. My. Fucking-" Tayuya choked out, her voice unsteady. Shikamaru closed his eyes, but his heart was racing as he predicted the spew of cursing, chair smashing, ranting tirade about to take place. _'What a drag.'_

"IS THIS WITCH REALLY. FUCKING. SERIOUS? I'D RATHER DRINK SOME SORT OF FUCKING CONCOCTION OF FUCKING COW SHIT MIXED WITH OROCHIMARU'S FUCKING NASTY PISS! FOR ALL THE FUCKING _MANWHORES_ IN KONOHA TO BE FUCKING STUCK WITH FOR WHO KNOWS WHEN, THIS IS FUCKING WORSE THAN A BUNCH OF FUCKING SMELLY ASS WITCH BITCHES SLICING ME UP INTO THEIR FUCKNG SHIT STEW WITH THEIR FUCKING SHITTY BITCH HANDS, JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK!" The redhead furiously screamed, throwing the nearby chair across the room, which shattered to who knows how many pieces. She ripped off the table legs, watching the documents on the table fall to the floor. She flung the legs at Shikamaru, who attempted to shield himself from her rampage.

"Ow! Ow! What the hell, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

"DAMMIT, YOU DICKHEAD! IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW, BUT IT ISSSSS! FUCK! FUCKING TAKE THIS, FUCKER!" She shoved her fist into his stomach, and kicked him furiously as he staggered to the ground. She lifted a boot towards his crotch, a murderous glare in her eyes.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Shikamaru screamed. But it was too late.

* * *

"Would you calm down? I didn't hit you _that_ hard…" She said, getting down to her knees, and looked down to the leaf nin. "You've been like this for half an hour now, I think you're okay." He shot a glare up at her. What was wrong with women? Overreacting and taking it out on the men. Of all the things that could possibly happen today.

"I demand an apology. And help me up." He muttered, letting out a sigh. She owed him. She reluctantly outstretched her arm but regretted it when he smirked up at her, grabbing her hand and pulling her down with him. "Oof!" She landed on top of him, and felt her cheeks heat up very quickly as she realized their faces were just a few centimeters apart. She quickly jabbed him in the chest.

"You perverted asshole. Like I said before, I'm fighting the urge to tie you up and play piñata with your balls."

* * *

**A/N: Whew. So that's the first chapter! I hope it didn't feel too rushed, I'm going to try to squeeze in some background information next chapter, it may be of help if anyone is confused.**


	2. Plan A

Tayuya leaned back in her chair, stretching her legs and allowed herself to relax. She sighed. 'It's taking that shithead an awful long time.' She'd been stuck in the interrogation room for at least an hour, thinking about what was happening in Otogakure. They probably weren't aware that she wasn't on one of her tantrums and angrily wandering through the forest, she was stuck in a place where in any moment she could be assassinated. She knew for sure that Jirobo was eating potato chips, spread out on the coach like the lazy fatass he was. Kidomaru was fighting him for the TV remote, and he had the advantage since he had four more arms than him. A faint smile appeared on her face thinking of them quarreling about which channel to watch. Sakon and Ukon were the most unpredictable ones. Time had served them well, as they eventually become a bit… handsome… and they ditched the makeup. However, they'd become total womanizers, always going out looking for a kunoichi to hit on.

She wondered if they would miss her. If they would even notice she was gone. She didn't serve them well, always cussing them out and finding every chance to bring them down. But she knew that their sinister personalities had deteriorated over time, their mission was a failure in Orochimaru's eyes. That meant less missions, more personal training, and eventually beginning to bond. She swallowed. This wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

"Tsunade-sama, I want you to seriously reconsider this. I don't want that… thing… living in my home! She'll probably sleep in my room! She'll be a total pain in the ass. Why don't you just send her to a cell?"

"She really isn't a threat to the village. It's not like she can single handedly take over Konoha. And personally, I want you to see that your opinion of women is wrong. Regardless of your experiences, all women are the same on the inside: mushy. We're all mushy."

"Hokage-sama, she's not _mushy_. I don't think an elite from the Sound can be MUSHY. And she's obviously not going to crack anytime soon. So send her back!"

"No." Tsunade said, getting up from her chair. Using two fingers, she shoved him back by the forehead. "And she's not going to live in your home forever, don't worry."

"Knowing my mom, she and Tayuya are going to fight to the death. I'm not usually the one to defy your orders, it's kind of Naruto's job to be defiant, but I don't see the point here. I can't think of one logical reason why she should stay, or why you don't let her rot in a prison cell."

"You know what?" She slammed her hands on her desk, and glared at Shikamaru. '_Crap. Went too far._' He thought. "This is going to be a mission. And if you complete it, you'll get perks. You'll get a large reward. And," she continued, "Don't let anyone know she's from the Sound. Or who she is. Even the people that helped you go after Sasuke. We don't need a riot in the village." He sighed. He wasn't going to be difficult anymore.

"Hai." He said, turning around and exiting quickly. Women are scary, he thought, cracking his knuckles. He wished he was under the warm sun, resting against the grass. It always seemed to help him achieve bliss. This mission was going to be fight of wits. Shikamaru knew it wasn't the right time to lazy around. He wasn't going to let this Otogakure redhead beat the crap out of his sanity. He smirked. He was going to show her what a real ninja was.

"Yo! Shikamaru!" He grinned, and turned around. Choji was heading towards him with Ino, barbeque chips in hand. He beamed and looked at his best friend head to toe. "You sure look beat. You want some?" He said, gesturing the bag towards Shikamaru, who refused.

"I have a new mission. It's a pain in the ass. I don't think I can tell you guys about it right now though. It requires immediate attention." He said with a groan.

* * *

The way to the Nara's home was silent. Shikamaru glanced at the redhead every now and then, who was busy staring at the colorful city. Although she didn't want to admit it, even to herself, she liked it here. The air was somewhat cheerful, giving off a sense of peace. Otogakure was nowhere near this, it was always cold and sad. But yet, she wanted to be there. _Needed_ to be there. Konoha was too sickly sweet to Tayuya, she perceived it as thickly sugar coated. It was unbearable how unaware the people were about all the dangers they were exposed to just by living in a shinobi dominated world. But that didn't matter to them, for now. But she knew it would eventually happen: the moment they completely let their guard down, was when they would die. You can't just live like nothing bad is going to happen to you. She knew that all too well.

"Look, Tayuya, I-" Shikamaru began, only to be interrupted by the redhead.

"Fuck you." She snapped. It was beginning to get dark. She was the only one in the Sound Four that could actually cook.

* * *

"Let me try this again. Where the _hell_ is she?" Kabuto demanded, only to receive no response from the four. He sighed. "Jirobo-kun, you have crumbs on your chin." 'What a slob. They're all seventeen, can't they take care of themselves by now?'

"S-sorry, Kabuto-san." The hefty teen said, dusting off the crumbs.

"Tayuya-chan doesn't go missing like this unless she was extremely pissed off by people, the world, and her home. And you all claim that she was perfectly fine?"

"Well, she's never 'perfectly fine', but yeah." Kidomaru muttered. He glanced up at the medic-nin, who was obviously worried about this. 'I can't have any risk of anyone leaking out information.' He thought, and tapped a finger against his chin.

"I think we should search for her." Sakon said, lowering his head. His long, messy silver bangs shadowing his eyes. He glanced at his twin, who shook his head. Sakon looked down at the floor. 'To think that three years ago, I wouldn't give a damn.'

_Sakon opened his eyes to see his room. 'The hell?' He wondered. The last thing he remembered losing to that puppet guy. His body ached, and his head was killing him. Shaking, he turned his head to one side, his brother. The other… Tayuya. That bitch. She better have finished that mission, if she didn't… Orochimaru. He couldn't help but notice that she looked… innocent… when she was sleeping. Or dead. Or comatose. He wasn't sure. A lock of hair had fallen on her face, which was to the side, towards him. He stared at her for what felt like an eternity, waiting for her to kick, yell, scream, cuss, do SOMETHING. Suddenly, her lips parted slightly, opened her eyes, and let out a quiet groan._

"_Fuck." She muttered, barely audible. "I feel like hell." She continued, wincing. She looked at him, their eyes meeting. "We must be really fucked up." She smiled, which was rare. He smiled back. Looking around the room, he realized they were in a hospital. Was this… the afterlife? Or maybe Kabuto healed them. But for what…?_

_Oh yeah. Sasuke. Did that mean he was in Otogakure now? Were they in Otogakure now? "Sakon-kun. Tayuya-kun. It seems you're awake. We've been waiting for months." A similar, but creepy voice said from the shadows. Kabuto. 'Four-eyes' is what Tayuya called him. _

"_I hurt." Sakon said to him. He chuckled in response, earning a 'You're creeping me out' face from the redhead to Sakon's right. Kabuto walked over to him and sat on his bed. 'Whoa there,' Sakon thought. 'Creepy.' _

"_Once your wounds heal you'll be in tip top shape. I also ran some tests on you guys. You all are practically Sound Four 2.0. Improved skills, intelligence, chakra level, everything. Which brings us back to why you guys are still alive. Although Orochimaru and I were disappointed in your loss to… genin… we decided to give you all another chance." He lifted his index finger and leaned towards him. "Because we're the good guys."_

"_H-Hey, Four-eyes. N-never thought I'd actually be thankful to you." Tayuya said, her voice a little shaky. Kabuto put one finger to his lips. "Shh." He said with a smirk._

"No need, Sakon-kun. Although I succeeded in too many modifications to let that girl go so easily, we'll give her three weeks to come back. Wherever she is." He took a final look at the four. "Dismissed."

* * *

"Gosh, I feel like I'm gonna hurl." Tayuya said, shaking her head. 'Be strong, woman. Be strong.' She thought, and turned her head to the spiky haired ninja next to her, who had a smirk on his face.

"You still owe me an apology from before, you know." He said, wincing at the thought of her… assault.

"Excuse me? You are such a fucking pervert, you made a move on me! Taking advantage of a little fucking help, well excuuuuse me, I would've apologized, but you just had to be an asshole." She made a 'Duh!' face and grinned.

"Ha! I wasn't making a move, you paranoid bitch, I was just trying to make us a step closer to being even." He put his hands behind his head, making a 'hmph' sound. He knew one thing for sure: he wasn't going to lose this argument.

"You asshole! I could just wring you by your neck, right here, right now! You started it!" She yelled, her hands flailing to and fro as she talked, as if talking themselves. 'Geez, that's attractive.' He thought to himself. But he wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic.

"If you could. You're so immature. How did I start it?"

"By just being YOU! By just fucking existing, and by just being right there at that time, gosh, you are annoying." She knew that wasn't a very good argument, but that's what she genuinely thought.

"Do you hear yourself?" He began to mimic her. "You started it by just being _youuuu_, by just _being_ there!" He said in a high pitched tone. It wasn't like him to be this… childish, but she brought it out of him. This girl… she was troublesome. She gasped, taken aback by this, and brought up her hand to slap him when he grabbed her wrist and forced it down.

"What the-"

"Ah, Asuma-sensei." Shikamaru said, forcing himself to smile. He nudged Tayuya's arm, gesturing for her to smile to. She got the message. But it was so… so… hard. Following his orders. But she did it anyway.

"Hey, Shikamaru. Who's this? Your girlfriend?" He said, taking out the cigarette from his mouth. Before he could answer, she spoke.

"Hi, I'm Tayuya. I'm not this guy's girlfriend. I think your confusing me for a blonde pineapple haired freak with really bad foot fungus. She's shaving her back right now!" The redhead lied. 'Ha!' She thought. 'Bitch gets what she deserves for killing me.' She glanced at Shikamaru, who shook his head, but was trying to hide a smirk.

"Oh… Well nice to meet you." Asuma said with a grin, somewhat entertained by what Tayuya said. 'She's an interesting one.' "Well, as much as I'd like to stay and chat, I have business to attend to. See you around, you guys."

"Likewise." Tayuya said before he left.

"Temari is not my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, that's a tiring job to do, you know." Shikamaru said with a sigh. "And foot fungus? Back hair? Really? Was that necessary?"

"Look, fruitcake," she began. 'Fruitcake? That's new.' Shikamaru thought, tilting his head to the sky. He couldn't believe he was listening to this. "I admit, I'm a fucking bitch. But that bitch deserves it. Who is she to butt into a battle, huh?"

"She's actually okay once you get to know her."

"Wait, I thought you hated women." Tayuya said, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't hate women. I think they're troublesome, but like all people there's good ones. And there's bad ones. You!" He said, poking her forehead. "Are a bad one. You're troublesome. You're rude. You're foulmouthed. Women are supposed to be a help for men, not drag them down."

"Um, sexist much? You men are troublesome too. Men like YOU," She poked his forehead. "Drag us women down from achieving our true potential. Honey, make me a sandwich! Honey, rub my back! This isn't the medieval times. We're not your fucking slaves." She scoffed, folding her arms proudly. "What's this?" She asked, taking down a neon green flyer from a lamppost. It read:

KONOHA FALL FESTIVAL

TOMORROW, 3 PM TO 2 AM

FOR FUN, FOOD, AND DRINKS

CARNVAL RIDES AND KARAOKE

CALL CALL 1-800-KFUN TO HAVE YOUR STORE PARTICIPATE OR VOLUNTEER TO HELP MAKE THE FUN HAPPEN!

"We have that every year. It's a big thing. See those lights up there?" He said, pointing to the unlit lightbulbs a couple of people were stringing across the buildings. "They put those up all over the village, and then they light them. They're all different colors, and they light up every corner of Konoha."

"Wow." She said, her eyes opening wide, imagining what it's like for everything to be lit. Shikamaru looked at her, her mouth slightly open, her skin seeming to glow from the lamppost above them. Her chestnut eyes gleaming with curiosity. His heart began to race, seeing how beautiful she looked.

"THEM FUCKERS GONNA FALL!" Tayuya blurted with a grin out at the workers who were wobbling their way to the other end of a roof. 'Attractive.' Shikamaru mentally groaned inside his head. This was going to be troublesome.

They arrived at his home, and Shikamaru let himself in. "Ma, I'm home. And I have something I need to tell you guys." He grimaced at the thought of his mother being all over them, asking Shikamaru if she was going to be his daughter in law, or if he knocked her up, or if she was going to stay for dinner, or if… His thoughts wandered off as he glanced at Tayuya. She was in a state of wonder again.

"SHIKAMARU! I told you to be home by six! Your father and I already ate, the foods getting cold, and don't get me STARTED on your dirty room! You are sixteen years old…" Her voice and scowl disappeared as she saw Tayuya. His father also leaned forward to take a look. 'Oh no.' Shikamaru thought. He wished he could give Tayuya some sort of mental warning, but… Oh well. He grinned. This was going to be his way of getting back at her. Yoshino took Tayuya by the shoulders… and hugged her. Tayuya was truly, genuinely shocked. "What the hell... oof!" Tayuya said, Yoshino cupping the new girl's face in her hands. "Shikaku! It's a FEMALE! And it's ALIVE!" She yelled to her husband, who sighed and lazily got up from the dinner table. "Geez, Yoshino, don't scare our guest like that."

"Wait… A girl coming home at night with Shikamaru? That means!" Yoshino spun around to her son angrily. Shikamaru saw this coming. Yoshino slapped him across the face, and yelled, "You fucking goof! You know better than to get a girl pregnant!"

"Whoa, whoa! Whoa lady, there is no baby growing inside me!" Tayuya yelled, flabbergasted. The home was silent. Shikaku groaned, leaning against the door. "Okay. Pause, stop, rewind, mute, sit, stay. Let's try this again. My name is Tayuya. I am in no way romantically involved with your son. We're not even friends. Hell, I don't even like him. He's a sexist asshole. Tsunade-sama ordered that I stay with you guys for the time being. Okay? _You_!" She pointed at Yoshino. "Geez, bitches be crazy. Calm down. _You_!" She pointed Shikamaru. "Put some fucking ice on that. And stop sneaking stares at me from time to time, will ya? You pervert! And _you_!" She pointed at Shikaku. "How could you pass on that idiotic hairstyle to your son? That's CHILD ABUSE. You're repelling him from all women by making him look like a _pineapple_. Okay. I'm done."

Shikamaru and his father sat outside on the grass, looking up at the stars. "That's some woman, you know. Really troublesome if you ask me." Shikaku said, breaking the blissful silence that Shikamaru enjoyed. He nodded in response, closing his eyes and feeling the cool night breeze swallow him. "But I think I'll get used to her. And your mother likes her." Shikaku continued. "Mmm." Shikamaru rolled over to his side. "Son, you should get inside."

"Why? Tayuya will probably make me sleep outside, anyways."

Inside, Tayuya was silently washing the dishes as Yoshino washed her from afar. "Do you know how to cook? And clean?" Yoshino asked her, her voice was soft and gentle, unlike from the incident before. "Yeah," Tayuya replied. "Back at home I live with four boys." She said with a smile. 'Wait. Did I just say… home?' Tayuya thought, surprising herself. "Really?" Yoshino asked, curious. Tayuya nodded.

"I know you and Shikamaru aren't really… anything. But if you ever need anything, you can come to me." Tayuya's sulking head shot up. What did she just say?

"Why are so quick to offer that? You don't know who I am." _I'm a total jackass, a bitch, a total wimp that's lucky to be alive. _"You don't know what I am." _I stole so many innocent lives, and didn't give a damn. I almost destroyed your village and killed your son._ Yoshino folded her arms.

"It's not everyday you're completely enchanted by a girl who shows up out of the blue, so mysterious yet I can tell by your eyes that you're strong." Tayuya managed a weak smile.

"It's not everyday you go into a completely new place, go to your enemy's home and have a sappy chat with his mom while doing her dishes."

* * *

Jirobo finished the rest of his cup ramen. He eyed Sakon's. It was just sitting there. So vulnerable. So alone. He licked his lips, imagining the sweet, salty sensation as he slurped the soup, the artificial yet delicious chicken flavor making not only his soul happy, but his tongue happy. What would Sakon do if he did take it? He had a… reasonable… excuse, right? '_I did it for love!_' He imagined himself telling him. '_Love for yourself_!' would probably be his response. But it was tempting him, like a fine, fine seductress- SLURP. Jirobo's mouth dropped open as Sakon sat down and triumphantly ate half of the noodles in a bite. Sakon nodded towards him. '_That jerk and his nodding._' Jirobo thought.

"_Why_ do you do that?" Jirobo spat. Sakon, noodles hanging from his mouth, raised his eyebrows in question. "Nod whenever you see me! What the hell man! It pisses me off, it's annoying!"

"What's up with you? I'm acknowledging your presence. Calm down."

"I will not calm down! As Tayuya would say, YOU'RE A COCKLICKING ASSHOLE!"

"This is about her. You're worried about her."

"I don't care about her! She's unladylike, she's always calling me things like fatass, fatso, dumbass, shithead, a piece of trash! Always telling me to lose weight! Why the hell do you think-"

"Because you knew that she always said those things because deep down, _she_ cared about _you_. All of us! She's not just a sinister girl that likes to cuss and pick on people's weaknesses! She's scared! She's afraid that if she doesn't intimidate or try to be superior, she never will be! _She's hurt_! We _all_ are! We are so fucked up that you brought this up while eating cup ramen when I made a gesture! My gosh, Kidomaru has _six_ arms! What the hell! We're _freakshows_!" The room was silent. Ukon sighed, swirling his chopsticks around in the soup.

"Would you ladies stop being so emotional? I'm tired. Good night." He said, getting up from the table and heading upstairs. "_I live with ballerinas."_'

* * *

Tayuya picked up the piece of paper Tsunade had left for her.

_Tayuya,_

_First of all, you can't leave this place without Shikamaru. My ANBU are busy attending bigger, more important problems at the moment. Second, I'm going to assume that you'll eventually provide us with the information we need. But if you're not going to, I have no choice but to send you to a prison cell. Third, no harm can come to any civilians because of you. Fourth, you must cancel all communications with anyone outside of Konoha. Breaking any of these rules will send you straight to Konoha's prison. Another is assumption is that you won't object to any of these rules. I'm showing you so much mercy right now, because I'm in a good mood. _

_Have a moderate time, Fifth Hokage_

"Tch." Tayuya scoffed. 'Moderate time my ass.' She thought, balling up the note and shoving it into her jacket pocket. Then she realized something. She didn't have her flute. She didn't have kunai. She didn't have shuriken. She didn't even have the spray-able cheese string bottle that she'd surprise Jirobo with by shooting it up his nose. She had no plan to get out of Konoha without someone catching her. Maybe she could get Shikamaru to buy her a new flute. Or some clothes. _'I have no clothes.'_ "Fuck!" She said to herself. She didn't have money either. With a groan, she retreated to Shikamaru's bed, which was softer than she'd expected. 'What the hell am I going to do?' The redhead thought to herself, turning to her side. The only sound in the home was the shower running, and the soft snore of Shikaku next door. The sound of running water stopped, and Shikamaru stepped out of his bathroom, wet hair falling to his face. He wore a gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt that said 'TROUBLE' in bold white letters. She knew where she recognized it from.

"Sakon has that shirt." Shikamaru looked up and smirked. She was talking normally now? She lay sprawled out on his bed, her stare empty. He could tell she was bored. "You don't look like a pineapple right now." She said softly, pointing towards his head. 'Now that I look at him, he doesn't look so bad.' She thought to herself. She walked over to his closet and flung it open, looking for something to borrow. He raised a curious eyebrow and went over to her, purposely standing close to her. What was up with her, he wondered, why was she being so… different? She wasn't as troublesome like this, though. But that was abnormal.

* * *

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork to see to ANBU. She sighed, and rested her chin against the palm of her hand, elbow on top of her documents. "What? Tell me quickly and get out."

"Hokage-sama. We were all wondering what you were planning to do with the Sound kunoichi. What if the villagers find out? She may cause some trouble, you know. The fact that the Sound is our enemy is not a secret. The other ANBU ninja agree with us, that she doesn't belong here. She's stubborn one, I hope you understand this, Hokage-sama. If you're keeping her here for the information, it can be quick."

"That's not my purpose of doing this. I'm not really sure what is."

"If you're doing this because she reminds you of… _that_ woman, Lady Tsunade… I suggest you stop this. I recommend sending her to prison. She did cooperate in Orochimaru's attempt to destroy Konoha."

"_If you're so worried then you monitor her_. Keep a file on her, I don't care. I have more important things to do than listen to your opinion." Tsunade snapped, rising from her chair. She glared at them before leaving.

* * *

Tayuya tucked her wet hair behind her ears and sighed. "Listen, fuckface, we need to decide on something we both agree on." She was wearing a white long sleeved shirt along with a pair of Shikamaru's shorts. "I get the bed. I'm a girl."

"You called me sexist…" Shikamaru said with a sigh. "I get the bed. It's mine anyway." He scoffed, glaring at her. She folded her arms at her chest, standing her ground.

"Why don't you take the bed, I suffocate you in your sleep with a pillow, kick your sexist ass off the bed, then I sleep in it." She pouted and gave her best puppy dog look. "It's only fair and square that you die a slow death from oxygen deprivation." For some reason he knew she wasn't kidding. But he wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Why don't you just go sleep outside? It's where you belong anyways."

"Fuck you. I should cut off your hand and slap you with it."

"Is that your weak attempt at trying to threaten me? God, you're so cute." 'Shit. That came out wrong.' His eyes opened wide, hoping that she was too angry to notice that. He was wrong.

"WHAT?" She boomed, standing up. "You PERVERT! I fucking KNEW it! You WERE trying to take advantage of me helping you today! You could be a peeping tom for all I know!" She yelled, kneeing him in the stomach. He grabbed her by the foot, swung her to the floor and pinned her down.

"CALM DOWN!" He yelled even louder. "What I said was an accident. Why do you have to jump to conclusions? You're such a troublesome girl! What's your problem, always accusing me of being SOMETHING?" He growled, glaring down at her.

"Fuck. You. Get. Off. Me."

"You can have the bed. Goodnight." He said, grabbing a pillow and turning off the lights. She would be more of a drag than he'd thought.


	3. The Festival: Pt 1

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to update! I didn't have any internet for more than three weeks, since I flew overseas for a family vacation (plus I didn't bring my laptop). I intend to update again later this week. Anyways, I hope you all like this chapter.**

* * *

Shikamaru felt something poke his face. He squinted, his eyes not enjoying the sudden sunlight that shined through his bedroom window. Above him was a redhead, kneeling down beside him. She smelled like his mother's shampoo. And she took his shirt. Again. This time it was a black short sleeved V-neck, which she'd tucked into faded jeans. He squinted up at her, turned away, and closed his eyes. Did she really need to wake him up?

"I'm sorry." She said, barely audible. Or at least he thought she said it._ 'Am I hearing things?'_

"Say that again." He whispered, slowly turning towards her.

"Fuck… I'm sorry. I apologize. I ask for your forgiveness. I was being a bitch, but more bitchier than I usually am. There, I said it. I think I just made your day. Whoop-de-doo." Shikamaru smiled.

"Apology accepted. Thank you. I've been waiting for that. And you can continue to be a bitch. It's kind of c-" He stopped himself. What was he saying? "I mean, I know not even any higher power could possibly change that." The redhead smiled, and shoved him in the chest.

"Stop being such a lazy asshole get up. I need to get some… supplies if I'm going to stay here for a bit." Shikamaru rolled his eyes and sighed. What the hell.

* * *

"Holy shit! Look at all this _stuff_!" Tayuya yelled, grabbing the attention of some disapproving vendors. Shikamaru sighed. _Why_ did she have to do that? _Why_ did she have to stand out? _Why_ did people look at them and giggle whenever Tayuya pulled him aside to look at something? He chose to ignore it. People could think whatever they wanted to. They both knew they weren't a couple. He stopped for a second. 'But would it be so bad though?', he thought. He wondered if it would be a pain to put his arm around her shoulder, or hold her hand.

"Hey! Cut it out with the daydreaming, Pineapples!" He turned to her. What was she saying? Geez, whenever women talked it always went in one ear and out the other. Tayuya sighed. 'Men.' She thought. "Yo! Fruitcake!" He heard that. "You wanna go to that big festival thing today?" She repeated. He almost choked on his spit. Was she asking him out or something?

"We?" He asked, pointing to himself.

"I thought you were smart. Tsunade's rules. I can't go anywhere without you." 'Oh.' Shikamaru said to himself. For a minute there he thought she was asking him out on a date.

"Sorry, I'm zoning out. Hanging out with you is making me even more tired. I guess we'll go." She glared at him. 'What's up with this guy?' She thought.

"Shikamaru!" 'Crap. More trouble.' He thought as Ino and made her way over to him. Tayuya raised an eyebrow. This girl was perky. She _hated_ perky. "Who's this?" Ino said, smiling at Tayuya. It took great willpower, but she smiled back. 'What the hell.' She thought, 'Might as well play nice girl.'

"This is-" Tsunade's words from yesterday echoed in his head. "Um… my, uh…" He hated situations like this.

"Cousin!" "Girlfriend." Tayuya and Shikamaru said simultaneously.

"Yeah, I'm his girlfriend." Tayuya sneered, trying her best to keep her composure. 'Why the hell did he say girlfriend? Dumbass.' She thought. "I'm also his friend's cousin."

"Y-Yeah, she's, um, Choji's cousin. Yuki Akamichi." Shikamaru managed. The blonde kunoichi beamed at him, clasping her hands together before jumping up and down. Tayuya winced. It made her sick.

"AWWWWW!" Squealed Ino. "I can't believe you have a girlfriend! That's SO cute! And here I was – all of us really - thinking you'd never find someone, you know." Shikamaru chuckled nervously. "Thanks, Ino." Tayuya fought herself to keep from rolling her eyes. 'Saved your ass, Nara. You better worship me at my feet.' Tayuya wanted to say to him. But another thing she wanted was to put him through some more of this. 'To test out his intellectual ability.' She told herself. She flashed the best grin she could at the blonde. "My _boyfriend _and I were about to get some lunch~" Tayuya said almost melodically, the pitch of her voice rising and dropping at some syllables, just like Ino's did. "You'll join us, right? Shikamaru will pay!" She said happily as Shikamaru stared in horror, rummaging through his pockets for money. Tayuya smirked. This was just too evil. She _loved_ it. Tayuya intertwined her fingers with Shikamaru's, and practically dragged him.

The trio made their way over to Ichiraku Ramen. Unfortunately for Shikamaru, Rock Lee and Gai were there. Ino ran ahead, probably to spread the news of Shikamaru's miraculous "relationship". Tayuya's eyes landed upon the two in the matching green spandex. She chuckled to herself, as they smiled, nodded, and cheered enthusiastically.

They sat down next to the others at Ichiraku. "Shikamaru! Congratulations on your relationship!" Gai said, forcibly taking Shikamaru's hand and locking it in a handshake. "Never seen you around here, Miss! Nice to meet you!" He said, flashing a blinding white smile at the redhead. She beamed back. It took all of Shikamaru's strength to keep himself from falling to the ground in complete, utter shock. "Likewise! I moved here recently, but I spent my summers here as a kid. My name is Yuki. Yuki Akamichi." Shikamaru nodded in approval, reluctantly taking the seat between Ino and Tayuya.

"Ah! Miss Yuki Akamichi! What brings you here to our fine village of Konoha, eh? What do your parents do?"

"My mother is a pharmacist and was recently hired, while my father is a freelance writer. Oh – and my cousin Choji lives here. Do you know him?" Tayuya asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Ah, Choji! His eating habits are very youthful!"

"Ha! Yeah, that bastard, he's a totally fat son of a bitch." She beamed at them, their faces, depicting extreme shock. She loved it. Shikamaru slapped his forehead with his hand, groaning. He knew it. 'She's trying to embarrass me.'

"Ha! Haha, what a sense of humor… She's just kidding." Shikamaru said, forcing himself to smile.

"But he told me to say that." Tayuya said quickly with a straight face.

"Because I knew she was nervous with her first relationship."

"Nuh-uh, when I was eight I made out with some brat on the swings."

"T-that's a lie. He broke her wrist. And fractured her tailbone." Shikamaru managed.

"Shikamaru has a garden. Because he _loves_ seeing pretty colors."

"She kissed a girl."

"He made out with a 72 year old man." Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. 'Troublesome.' He thought, glaring at her. She grinned in return.

"Ah! W-well, that's quite a youthful and bold activity, Shikamaru. It's always nice to try new things, right, Lee?"

"Oh, yes Gai-sensei! You taught me to live my life to the fullest!"

"Oh, Lee!" Gai exclaimed, wiping the tears forming at his eyes.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee said, furry eyebrows wiggling.

"Ugh, not this!" Ino groaned, leaning towards Tayuya. "So, what do you like about Shikamaru?" She asked with a smile. Tayuya hesitated. The table grew silent. Shikamaru winced as he watched their eager faces, looking forward to the answer. "Well…" Tayuya began, biting her lip. "He…" They leaned forward. '_Fuck fuck fuck_.' "Is… S-s…" She sighed. "Smart." She saw Shikamaru smirk in satisfaction.

"And? And? What else?" The blonde pestered.

"Well…" She chewed on the inside of her cheek, five bowls of ramen coming towards them. "He's a good guy." She said, stirring her chopsticks in the noodles. Shikamaru looked at her, and raised an eyebrow. It was hard to tell when she was being sincere.

"Ah! The youth of young love! It begins as a seed when the attraction is planted, blooming beautifully in the warmth of love, the nourishment of care, and he rich soil as it's great foundation!" Gai said, before stuffing his mouth with noodles.

"What a great way to put it, Gai-sensei!"

"Thank you, Lee! I write poetry in my spare time!"

"What a great way to use your spare time!"

"Thank you, Lee! I contemplate all of my decisions!"

"What a great way to wield your youthful energy!"

"Thank you, Lee! I live me life greatly!"

"What a great way to live life!"

"Thank you, Lee! I will teach you my ways well!"

"What a great way-"

"SHUT _UP_!" The other customers yelled in unison. Gai and Lee frowned and lowered their heads.

"Don't worry, they just don't understand your _brilliance_!" Tayuya encouraged, and the two immediately perked up.

"Thank you so much, Tayuya-chan!" Lee said, tears forming at his eyes. Shikamaru smiled as the three high fived. For a second, there was a small glimmer in her eyes. He wondered if it was from the satisfaction of her deception, or the slight chance that she might've actually been happy, for a brief moment. He felt Ino tug his sleeve.

"You know I really thought I would get someone before you of all people. Like, because, you're all brains, but I'm beauty _and_ brains. But I'm glad you're not going to spend the rest of your life alone or playing shogi."

"Whatever." Shikamaru shrugged, watching Tayuya chat with Gai and Lee. "I guess you just have to weigh out the pros and cons." Ino smiled.

"Well, it's good you're using that head of yours for things other than strategy."

"She is strategy. Like a walking shogi board."

* * *

Sakon was in Tayuya's room. Tayuya had a lot of rooms, since there were many bases, but this one was her favorite. It's where she kept all her personal belongings, too._ 'If she was here,'_ he thought, _'I'd be getting my ass whipped.'_ Like a normal teenager, Tayuya hated people being in her room. _Especially_ snooping around her stuff. He chuckled to himself. She couldn't stop him now. The thought of that made him a little sad, though. He crouched down beside her bed, shoveling his hand through everything underneath it. He smirked. 'She's so stupid,' he thought, 'putting everything under her bed.' Sakon sighed, pulling out her journal. He grinned, remembering when she first got it. At eleven years old, the redhead was ecstatic to write in it, since she couldn't exactly open up to her male teammates.

_Dear Diary,_

_At first when I got this, I was all 'What the fuck is this? Some sort of pansy-ass schoolgirl thing where I'm supposed to unleash my fucking creativity?'. But then, I thought, 'What the hell'. So I guess I'll write about the five douches I'm living with._

_Sakon: Fucking bastard. Wears green lipstick, the fuck is with that. Gay. He's fucking gay._

_Ukon: The bastard's twin. A bit more angst-y than Sakon, and wears the makeup._

_Jirobo: Fatass. But at least he's the most polite one. Still, so annoying, always telling me to stop cussing or be more ladylike._

_Kidomaru: Six arms. Bitch._

_Kimimaro: Another bitch. Thinks he's better than the rest._

_Yeah. I hate my life._

Sakon grinned, flipping to the next page. He was only able to scan the first few sentences when the door slowly opened, a large shadow making it's way inside. Sakon sighed, and looked up.

"Sakon. You should look at the security report."

* * *

"I'll pay for this, Shikamaru." Gai said in complete seriousness, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Uh, I appreciate the offer-"

"No! It's all on me! Did I ever greet you last Christmas?"

"It doesn't really matter…"

"Doesn't matter?" He cried out melodramatically. "Shikamaru, did I ever call you on your birthday?"

"Gai-san, you don't even have my phone n-"

"NO! I did not!" Heavy tears streamed down his face as he fell on all fours.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Oh no, you don't have to start that…"

"It's my time to redeem myself, I've been such a horrible friend."

"Shikamaru-kun! I confess, I've been such a horrible friend, too!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"Here you go." Shikamaru slipped the pay to Teuchi and pulled Tayuya to the side. "Close your eyes." He said. He guided her through the streets, but she didn't protest, although she was thinking of all the ways he could kill her. Or if he was leading her to a very, very high ledge where her body would crumble if she was thrown over. She felt a familiar warmth touch her skin gently, soft grass brushing against her legs, the area having such a sleepy, relaxing atmosphere to it. She slowly opened her eyes, wondering if she would be executed in such a beautiful place. Her heartbeat raced with anticipation as the images of swords, hangings, blood, and ropes ran through her head.

The sunlight flooded her eyes as it shone on the vast field of bright green grass, that swayed to and fro as if to a soft melody. The trees shook, waving their long, sturdy branches like arms, the rustle of the leaves being only slightly audible, the songs of the birds seizing the earthly silence and masking the sounds of the city. Swirls of puffy white swirled in the blue, clouds in all shapes and sizes scattered as if dancing together in the sky.

The redhead pressed her lips together, not wanting her vulgarity to taint the picturesque setting they were in. She glanced at Shikamaru, whose eyes were closed and head lifted up to the sky, taking in it's warmth. "It's rare to find places like this in Otogakure, I assume." He finally spoke. She sighed, and shrugged.

"I guess. I'm sort of surprised it's even here, since winter is just around the corner."

"Well look at you, not saying a single condescending thing in one sentence."

"Shut it you rat." She glared. "Why do you always have to act like a fucking smartass?"

"Because I am one. Just like how you're a deceiving, manipulative foulmouth. Geez, were you always like this?" She looked away.

"Of course not." Tayuya muttered. Shikamaru sighed and looked up at the clouds. He pointed up at one.

"Looks like a flute." He offered, and she slowly looked up.

"Looks like a stick." She grinned, pointing at something else. "Looks like someone stabbing someone in the heart, and he's fallen to the ground in pain."

"Really? I thought that was someone milking a cow." He said, chuckling.

"You idiot! He's obviously stabbing a _fatass_!" She exclaimed.

"Ha! Obviously." Shikamaru said sarcastically.

"And that one." She pointed. "Looks like a shuriken." He cocked his head to the side.

"It's a bunny."

* * *

Shikamaru could tell Tayuya was dumbfounded. As the night sky crept in, the lights were lit, flamboyant colors decorating the streets. Paper lanterns and luminescent stars coated and scattered the dark sky, cool autumn breeze sweeping through the crowds as bells and decorations jingled, softly clanging together as children laughed and ate cotton candy. Bright lights from the vendors elaborated the décor the volunteers managed to put up. A large mural of all the Hokage stood on a large stage. The sound of drunken laughter, girly gossip, haggling, and children's yells. It was magical. The only time she'd experienced something like this was before Otogakure.

But Shikamaru didn't appreciate it as much as she did. His mother always dragged him to these kind of things. Or forced him to go, in hopes that he'd meet a girl. She'd told them how she and his father fell in love at this festival, and that she was one hundred percent positive it would bring him good luck. Or something like that. He couldn't help but smile at the redhead, who was taking it all in. Her eyes drifting from stall to stall, completely shocked.

"Okay, shithead. We're fucking going to go to all of these stalls. You better have money."

"I liked it better when you called me 'Pineapples'." The leaf nin sighed. "Women." She raised her eyebrow.

"You really need to get in touch with your feminine side." Shikamaru laughed. Did she really just say that? People smiled and pointed at them, whispering to each other. Shikamaru sighed. Tayuya smirked. "What, am I _embarrassing_ you?"

"Impossible. I don't get embarrassed."

"Really, now?"

"I don't care what society thinks of me. That sort of thing, it's troublesome." He said with a sigh. Curiosity dwelled upon him as he saw a smirk creep up on Tayuya's face as she dramatically shoved him.

"I _CANNOT_ believe you'd cheat on me, Shikamaru! I POP THE PIMPLES ON YOUR BACK!" She threw her hands up in the air and yelled, "_I PAY FOR YOUR TESTICLE MEDICATION!_" Tayuya intentionally made that last part much, much louder. She to laugh as she saw his shocked, red face. He eventually began to chuckle himself, seeing everyone staring at him with either angry out or confused faces. The horror slowly went away, and he found himself feeling lighter, as if he was weightless, practically floating across the pavement. They laughed until their cheekbones hurt, and a smile was painted on their faces.

They made their way over to a grill, where Tsunade waved the redhead over.

"Yes?" Tayuya said, folding her arms at her chest. Tsunade was guzzling bottles of sake, liquid dribbling down from the corner of her mouth to her chin, finally dropping down on the table.

"Eh? Oh yes, I wanted to give you something." The blonde said, taking out a spray can. Tayuya smirked, snatching it from her hand. 'SPRAY-O THIS MAYO! FINEST SPRAYABLE CONDIMENT IN THE LEAF!' It read.

"Is this some sort of peace offering?"

"Let's call it a welcome gift. Plus the guards consumed that cheese string we'd confiscated from you." Tsunade said, taking a swig of sake, her cheeks pink. "BUT!" She yelled, wagging her finger very closely in the redhead's face. "I love Konoha! If you do anything with that gift" she tapped the can, her words slurring as she continued, "that would hurt this village, I will kill you!" She finished with some improvised karate chop motions. Tayuya raised an eyebrow.

"It's mayonnaise."

"But YOU!" She poked Tayuya in the cheek. "Are _not_ mayonnaise. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear, Tsunade-sama, crystal clear."

"Good fish, _goooood_ fish. Now go back to that giant talking pineapple!" She ordered, pointing to where Shikamaru stood (well, almost where he stood) before slamming her fist on the table and gulping down more sake. Tayuya quickly made her way over to Shikamaru with the mayonnaise can. He was watching dozens of small rubber duckies float their way across a large tub. Banjo strums hummed softly in the distance, along with flutes and violins.

"Ah!" The hokage sighed as she threw the bottle onto the floor, shards of glass scattering beside their feet, shiny faces reflecting the bright, colored lights above them, shades beginning to blur together. The sound rang in Tayuya's ears as she reluctantly left the drunken woman, her head starting to spin and forcing her eyes open when they managed to squeeze themselves shut.

"Tayuya?" The pain disappeared, and her vision began to focus on Shikamaru. "You okay?" He asked, a rubber ducky with the number '14' written across the bottom in his hand.

"Oh. Yeah." She lied, stared at the rubber ducky, and chuckled. "You have an IQ of over 200 and you're playing this?"

"I've played this for a while. The instructions are simple, but the results are complex."

"You just have to pick up a duck, Pineapples."

"Not just any duck. I analyzed the first dozen numbers. Even numbers 2, 4, and 6 have some of the greatest values. Odd numbers 1, 3, and 5 are the numbers for the biggest prizes. 7 through 12 are the medium-sized prizes. But the numbers go up to 36."

"So you have a 12 over 36 chance of getting a good prize?"

"One third." He corrected, handing the '14' duck to the vendor, in exchange for a small keychain of a hokage hat. "Tch." He said, looking back where she was. He stared at the empty space before him.

* * *

"ROYAL FLUSH, BITCHES!" Tayuya screamed, pumping a fist into the air in victory. The other players groaned, sinking in their seats as she gathered her win, ten thousand yen. "Take that you bastardly piece of trash!" She yelled to the player next to her right, who glared at her. She beamed, shoving the yen into her pockets.

"Shikamaru's friend, right? But I hear your name is actually Yuki Akamichi, Choji's cousin, not Tayuya." Asuma said, taking the seat to her left.

"Childhood nickname. But it's true, I'm related to that gluttonous bastard." She said cheerfully.

"Alright then. You play poker? Where's Shikamaru?"

"Fuck yeah, I play poker. What do you think I'm doing right now? Shikamaru is somewhere, playing with rubber ducks. STRAIGHT!" She screamed, and once again the players groaned. Asuma winced, rubbing his temples. "This makes a total of 49,408 yen." She told Asuma with a smile.

* * *

Shikamaru paced back and forth, thinking about the redhead's whereabouts. _'There's a high chance she's drinking.'_ He thought to himself, picturing a drunken Tayuya wrecking a bar, flailing, punching, and breaking everything in her way. _'Or gambling. Or wrecking my reputation. Or just walking around.'_ He wrinkled his nose and began to sit down before someone slapped him in the face.

"Oof!" He looked at his assailant, who turned out to be a drunk Tsunade, hair ruffled up and face red as a berry.

"THE FISH!" She yelled angrily, shaking Shikamaru's shoulders.

"F-fish?" He stammered, stepping away from her.

"Your mission was to take care of that _fish_! Tell me where she is, talking pineapple!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, throwing her arms up in the air before she slumped down onto Shikamaru's seat with a strange gurgling sound.

"Oh..." He said, scratching his head and turning back to the rubber duck prizes. He retrieved a big bear doll, and held it to the hokage. "She's right here, see?" Tsunade slouched, squinted, and tapped her chin.

"She gained so much weight! And she shrunk! And where's the MAYOOOO?"

He sighed, and imitated the redhead's voice. "_I'm right here, fuckface!_"

"Ah!" Tsunade exclaimed, taking the bear and hugging it tightly before she drifted off to sleep. Shikamaru stared for a while, and left in search of the real Tayuya.


End file.
